Thursday, April 29, 2010

It finally happened!!

I just got the e-mail confirming that our dossier was indeed submitted today. I am sooooo excited!! It is funny how God works. He just wants us to surrender and accept His Will and when we finally come to the end of us...there He is! I am so thankful that I serve such an awesome God. When I am finally holding my little boy in my arms, I will be in awe of all the miracles that it took for us to get there.
I was reading a book last night and a quote jumped out at me. It was truly speaking of exactly where I am. It said, "Even when there is no hope, you must continue working. But it is only when you acknowledge you are powerless that God answers your prayers." It isn't a coincidence that I just confessed my powerlessness, and that I am ok with that, two days ago and then our dossier gets submitted! God is good. I can't wait to see how quickly he'll bring us to meet our son.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Feeling Convicted

For the past few days, I have been feeling convicted about my reaction to disappointments in this process. I feel especially convicted about the example I am setting for my daughters. Yes, it is ok to be discouraged and disappointed, but I need to increase my trust in the Lord and convey this to my children. God IS still in control...and I am not. That is the lesson that I have to keep learning over and over. Probably because I keep messing up and trying to take the control back again. I don't know the reasons for the delays and I may never know, but I need to believe that God knows and has a plan, a better plan than I could ever imagine. I also have to remind myself that before TJ was our son, he was God's child and God loves him even more than I do.
I was reminded in James that my present troubles are developing character in me and if I handle them correctly, they can even produce character in my children. So, for today, as Beth Moore reminded me at her simulcast this weekend, I am going to start anew. "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitudes of your minds;" - Eph. 4:21-23
I am realizing that as I live looking forward to the day that TJ will be home with us, I am missing out on the joy of the journey. It reminds me of the John Waller song "The Blessing" based on the verses in Deuteronomy 30:19.
"This day
you set life, you set death right before us,
This day
every blessing and curse is a choice now,
And we will choose to be a blessing for life."

Thursday, April 22, 2010

More disappointment!!

I am soooo ready to just give up all hope...AGAIN the submittal of our dossier has been postponed a week. Apparently, they need a document in order to be able to submit it. What document that is, I have no idea... All I can say is "Why? why? why?" I honestly feel like we are NEVER going to get our son. I have been reading other people's blogs and they're entire process is like 4 months and they already have their child home. Why is ours constantly getting postponed? I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. The rollercoaster ride is getting to be a bit nauseating!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

MORE Waiting. . .

Well, I have been anticipating and praying that our dossier would be submitted today, April 15th, but just found out that ours will NOT be submitted until next week! Tears just welled up in my eyes as I read the e-mail. ANOTHER week of waiting...I don't know how much more of this I can take. I know a week probably doesn't sound long to most people, but too me, at this point, it feels like a lifetime. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and hibernate until next Thursday. It is like when you are overdue in a pregnancy and every day feels like eternity or like when you are induced into labor, but it doesn't work (speaking from experience!!)
Oh well, here's to another week . . .

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I haven't Written in a while, but that doesn't mean things haven't been happening:)

At the present time, our dossier is in Eastern Europe. I got an e-mail a week ago, from Yulia in Eastern Europe stating that my employment letter was not done correctly. I was devastated! I immediately got to work at getting a new one written. On Friday, on our way to a Red Sox game in Kansas City, I got the new letter apostilled and sent it overnight express to Eastern Europe. It cost a fortune for one simple document, but I am tired of waiting. It was supposed to arrive in Eastern Europe yesterday. I haven't heard whether or not they have received it, but I am going with "no news is good news". I am praying that our dossier will still be able to be submitted on Thursday and we are eagerly awaiting a travel date.
I figured out that we chose to adopt Misha on August 25, 2009, so by May 25th, it will be like a full term pregnancy. I am hoping to have an premie though:) I can hardly stand it anymore. There isn't a day that goes by where someone in the community doesn't ask me if we have him yet. I think he is going to be the most popular little man in Kearney, NE.
I am getting a bit nervous because my brother is getting married in June and I would HATE to have to miss his wedding. I am sure he would understand, but I would feel bad. I know that God has the perfect timing and I need to trust in that!!