For the past few days, I have been feeling convicted about my reaction to disappointments in this process. I feel especially convicted about the example I am setting for my daughters. Yes, it is ok to be discouraged and disappointed, but I need to increase my trust in the Lord and convey this to my children. God IS still in control...and I am not. That is the lesson that I have to keep learning over and over. Probably because I keep messing up and trying to take the control back again. I don't know the reasons for the delays and I may never know, but I need to believe that God knows and has a plan, a better plan than I could ever imagine. I also have to remind myself that before TJ was our son, he was God's child and God loves him even more than I do.
I was reminded in James that my present troubles are developing character in me and if I handle them correctly, they can even produce character in my children. So, for today, as Beth Moore reminded me at her simulcast this weekend, I am going to start anew. "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitudes of your minds;" - Eph. 4:21-23
I am realizing that as I live looking forward to the day that TJ will be home with us, I am missing out on the joy of the journey. It reminds me of the John Waller song "The Blessing" based on the verses in Deuteronomy 30:19.
you set life, you set death right before us,
every blessing and curse is a choice now,
And we will choose to be a blessing for life."