Hello Everyone,
This is Suzanne and I will apologize upfront for not being as entertaining as Toby. And...unfortunately I will not have the great pictures of our little man :(
I figured that I would write from my perspective to all of you future adopting parents who will be heading home, and leaving your spouse, for the remainder of the adoption process. Although, I will remind you that EVERYONE'S experiences are different...this just happens to be mine.
We went into our travels knowing that I would be coming home and Toby would be staying, but truthfully, nothing prepared me for the emotions of leaving Toby and Toby Jr. (TJ) behind. I have to admit that I was so excited to be heading back to the states, to the comfort of my home and into the loving arms of my 3 daughters, but my heart broke at having to leave my boys behind. At the airport in Simferopol, waiting for my plane back to Kiev, I began to cry uncontrollably. Emotions are heightened throughout the entire process, but our family was going to be incomplete for several weeks and this broke me. Thankfully, I was able to stay with another adopting American couple in Kiev, so my mind was occupied and the heaviness lifted for the rest of my stay in Ukraine (thank you John and Charissa).
I had to get up at 3:45AM to head to the airport in Kiev for my flight out to Germany...to Chicago and back to Omaha, Nebraska!!! During the flights and especially during my layovers, my eyes welled up several times thinking back to the times I was able to spend with our new son. It was truly a gift from God. Only in the adoption process are you able to have so much one on one time bonding with a new child (unless it is your first born). This isn't even mentioning the time that Toby and I had ALONE together. Having 3 children, alone time is not a luxury anymore. I was sad not only because that precious time had come to an end, but also because I was unable to truly enjoy it. Looking back, I could see that I was so gripped with a spirit of fear, fear of man, that I couldn't allow myself to relax and enjoy this gift of time with my boys. The Lord was, and still is, working on me in this area. He is constantly reminding me of the verse in Proverbs 29:25 "The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe." Let me just clarify that my fear of man was totally around what they could or would do to hinder our adoption/ I was afraid that my husband's boldness would cause our facilitators to not want to help us...afraid that the nurses would not think we were fit parents...afraid that the judge would not grant us the adoption, etc. The Lord had to keep reminding me that He is Sovereign and ultimately our adoption was not in the hands of man, but it was in His Loving Hands.
Now that I am home, I wish I could say that that fear is gone. I do not think that I will be able to be completely free of it until my son is home in my arms!
Coming back home, without your spouse and your child, is an emotional rollercoaster of it's own. I will save all that for another post.
Again, I apologize for not being as amusing and comical as my AWESOME husband, whom I miss terribly, but I hope you got something out of it.
In Him,
Suzanne
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Whoa whose your husband? He sounds pretty cool! :0) ME!
ReplyDeleteHi, Suzanne! I've been reading your family blog for a couple of weeks now, enjoying all your daily activities. I'm not adopting, but have traveled to ukraine on mission trips and worked with orphans a little. I wanted to leave a comment since you mentioned fear of man. I've never heard anyone else use the term. I read a book a few years ago called When People Are Big and God is Small. That's where I got the term from. That book gave me a differnt perspective on shyness, that's when I learned that it was sin and I needed to ask forgiveness and turn from it. Sometimes it's more challenging because you revert back to old behavior and you don't realize you're doing it until later. So, I thought I'd just leave a comment since we have that in common. i will continue to pray for you and your family during your seperation and final stages of your adoption. God bless your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing your heart, Suzanne. It really blessed me. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you to have your "boys" 1/2 a world away. I did take a few things away from this post though. If we ever get to the point where you are in the process, I will remember to treasure that time alone with my hubby. That is not something I would have automatically done.
ReplyDeletePraying for a quick return for your boys!